I always say this to myself every time I feel that there's still something missing in my life.
If you know me well, then you are probably one of those people who say that I already have everything I want: that I'm well off, that I don't need to work anymore, etc etc. For one, I appreciate all that I have: I know my life is better than others and I'm always thankful for it. But sometimes, it just irritates me when I always hear those things. I know and I deeply appreciate each and every one of those things that I have. But not because I have material things and also the love of my family and loved ones, doesn't mean my life is perfect.
I'm struggling with my quest/journey for healthy eating and I know I need to concentrate on that for I don't want to return to my old fat self.
As for this part, I haven't told anyone but when I lost weight, I think some of the confidence I have came off with the weight I lost too. I wanna gain my confidence back! For some reason, when I lost weight, I felt like I became a normal person, I don't think there's something unique about me anymore. It's hard to explain but I really feel that way. My way of thinking now is that: when I reach my goal body and weight that's when I will become really confident. I know it's not right and I need to give myself a wake up call that i should love my body enough to change it and not base my self-worth on what other people think of me. Starting now, I shall be working on that. On myself. On loving myself and appreciating myself. :)
Another is my continuous search for a loved one. A boyfriend/partner. I always ask myself why it's so hard for me to find that one person, who will love me for who I am, ask me out to watch a movie, have dinner, send me flowers, do crazy things with me. *sigh* I know he will come at the right time, but sometimes I can't help but think, what if he doesn't come? What if I'm destined to grow old alone? Truth is I'm really envy my friends and some couples I see. With them being sweet to one another, laughing together, etc. Loneliness and self pity is eating me up. I feel that I'm not attractive or likable enough. My friends and family say I'm easy to love and that I'm attractive but why is it that not even one guy can see that? Well, there was one but... Oh well, it wasn't meant to be.
I've been used to always being the one who likes the guy first and him not returning the feeling. I know I sound like I'm craving for attention and love, but really, isn't that what we all crave for? I don't know what to think anymore... So whoever it is who's meant for me, please show up sooner. I'm kinda dense so maybe you should poke me or tell me that you're here already. :)
With that being said, I'm still thankful for all the things I have, I appreciate each and every one little thing and affection that I have and receive. But we are all humans, no matter what or how much we have, there will always be something missing. :)
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